she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
