Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
