Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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