Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
All I want is dick and wine.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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