What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
