He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
