I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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