I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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