he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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