My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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