I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
