I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
