I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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