I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
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