If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I stole a fireplace last night.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
