It's Friday. Sex?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
