Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
