why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
