She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
