how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
ttyl tear gas
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
