I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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