My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
