I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
