No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
