The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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