Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Drake has all the answers
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
