I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
