Small penises have feelings too.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
