I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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