She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
