Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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