I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
