we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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