DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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