i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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