I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
