He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
