In the future we'll all be gay
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
