Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
