I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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