No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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