So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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