It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
two words...techno handjob
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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