My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
