I skipped work to stalk him.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
