Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
