accomplished twins. life is a go
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I can't put those talents on a resume
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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