he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
