I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
