I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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