so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize
