grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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