Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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