I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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