dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
