I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
