I am midnight drunk by noon
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
