You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
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