The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
vagina is talking i cant
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
