awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
