did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i will never coherently bang her
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
